She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
