she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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