Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
