Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
