I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it glows. i had to have it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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