very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
