I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
