I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she was so not down for the gang bang
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
