i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I checked into jail on foursquare
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
