Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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