dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
