I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
