My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
