But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
