5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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