Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
