wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My bed smells like the plague
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
