You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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