im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
