She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
