Umm I'm too high to move.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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