ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i was born a porn star she said
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
