"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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