shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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