I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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