this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
