Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
