i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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