You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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