I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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