I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
