Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
