Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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