You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
