I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
