i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
PANTIES FOUND
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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