i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
