Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
