god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Girls should come with a carfax report
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
