So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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