Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
