I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize