she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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