Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
