I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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