i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
