Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
