i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
