at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
