I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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