She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
