I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My ass is underappreciated
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
