yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I deserve this hangover.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
