This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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