Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
