Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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