she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
