mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
