and you said cock pushups were impossible
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
