apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize