Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I supernannyed him into submission
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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