Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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