i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
