Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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