you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
