i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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