Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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