This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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