he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
