I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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