My underwear smells like fireworks.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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