we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
