Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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