you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
