We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize